Save the Pearls Readthrough (Part III)

Continuing our readthrough of Save the Pearls, our lead guy is a black beast-man.  No, literally.  Also, some villains do some stuff, I think, and we have a competition for worst metaphor.  As always, the original thread can be found here; if you notice that I’m reordering the posts more, it’s because different people were reading at different speeds and I’ve attempted to recreate some semblance of chronology.

Me: And here’s the plot device:

Only her crazy Father would think of implanting a human being with genetic material from key animals that thrived in the hottest climates. Only he might succeed, too. His secret approach to programming the epigenome—the genetic master control for DNA—allowed him to skirt the pesky problem of one species rejecting another’s code.
This wasn’t going to be some mild genetic exchange, either. Valuable DNA had been gathered from nearly extinct species with tremendous effort and probably a lot of Bramford’s uni-credits.
The primary genetic donor was the ultimate jungle predator, a jaguar, Panthera onca. Even better, a melanistic cat with a black coat had been found. Its coloring would not only increase resistance to solar radiation, but also minimize the appearance of camouflage spots, for vanity’s sake. The jaguar’s only natural enemy, the green anaconda, Eunectes murinus, contributed its cold-blooded resistance to heat. The third donor in this potent cocktail was the Harpy Eagle, Harpia harpyja, the most powerful raptor in the world. It could spot a bug from a hundred yards in the air, and its keen vision had been added to the mix.
Land, water, and air—a brilliant killing machine.

LMAO. Who wants to draw a picture of the harpyjaguacondaman?

Ami Angelwings: Foyt should stick to her interracial porn fantasies and avoid the “science” part of “science fiction”. >_>

Nobby: Wow. That’s really… yeah… I’m not sure why I’m so surprised at this tidbit. I guess partially because I was already expecting the racist crap? But this is just… wow…


If her life were a simple equation, like one plus one, it now yielded a negative number.

Submitted for consideration in the category of “worst metaphor ever.”

Blackbloc: What is this, I don’t even…?


Like an animal, he had marked his territory by carving a ridiculously large initial “B” onto each unit door.

Someone call the Bramford Whisperer.


She gasped as something dark and monstrous sprung from the bed. It landed at the edge of the platform, towering over the room. Bramford didn’t resemble the controlled model of the new man she expected. Instead, she stared up at a terrifying creature, part man and part beast.

Well, it’s a good thing black men have never in the past been demeaningly compared to predatory animals…oh, wait…


He leapt upon the nearest soldier and mashed him into a ball.

Wait, what?

Ami Angelwings: It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Me: And then he dribbled him and shot him through a hoop. BECAUSE HE’S BLACK GET IT

Argenti Aertheri: The end of chapter 8…What The Fuck? I keep thinking this can’t get worse, and then it does. (Which I guess makes it successful in the “can’t look away from the train wreck” sense but Evil or Very Mad …why is there no exploding emote? I need one currently)

Ami Angelwings:

Her knees buckled under her and she fell into a seat.“Relax,” Bramford said, sitting down beside her. “You’ll enjoy it.”

This is the rapiest fear of flying scene ever.

Ami Angelwings:

How had she ever doubted him when he had made his intentions so clear? Time for Jamal to make a righteous move.

That line shows up a LOT o_o

Argenti Aertheri: That line is why the end of chapter 8 is making me make rage faces. Jamel’s “righteous move” ain’t righteous. (And having just breezed through chapter 9, it only gets worse)

Chapter 10 = even worse —

“Was he a man trapped inside a beastly form, or a beast with a human mind?”


—Breathe, Eden. Let your stomach rise like a balloon. Then release the air slowly. Let the breath carry
your awareness through the body. You can do it. Stay in the moment.
—I can’t, Mother.
—Of course you can. It’s only natural. Animals breathe that way.
That had confused Eden. As if animals were better than humans.

Or if black people were better than white people! It’s against the natural order of things!

Ami Angelwings:

Gradually, the newly evolved man came through with dark coloring inherited from the black jaguar, the
camouflage spots barely visible on his skin. The eyes, now a pale greenish-gold, had a slight cat-like curve,
the face, a feline affect. The jaguar also had given him a more streamlined body. The strong abdominal
muscles, a gift from the anaconda.

Bravestarr called, it wants its gimmick back.

Me: I’m betting Eden’s going to be getting some gifts from the anaconda pretty soon.


She reached for Bramford’s hand, shocked once again by the electric feel of his touch. This time, there was no mistaking the reeling effect on her, despite the change in him. Or maybe because of it, she realized.

She traced his broad chest down to slim hips and muscled thighs. The raw animal power coiled within him, just waiting to explode, fascinated her.
Eden found her body tilting towards his. Maybe it was illogical for a Pearl to be drawn to such a dangerous creature, but she wanted to touch him.

His muscular legs flexed with each leap. The magnificent torso swayed. Like a star-struck fan, Eden imagined he could do anything—even crush the huge aircraft in his hands.

We get it, he’s a sexy animal-man! Just go look at some furry porn!

Ami Angelwings:

She felt like a loose electron bouncing from atom to atom as she crawled through the melee.

I think this challenges as worst metaphor.


“There’s nothing to see. There’s never going to be anything to see ever again. If your head wasn’t in the clouds you would see that.” But you don’t even see me.

Your use of the word “see” is being officially revoked.

“We can’t predict what latent genes might be activated. As I said, we have to wait and see.”
“Or not,” Eden said pointedly.

A crushing repartee!

Me: I don’t know, Ami, competition for “worst metaphor” (well, simile, technically) is pretty strong…

Like a rock skimming over a flat pond, he carried her beaming father across the tops of the workstations until he stood above Eden.

Argenti Aertheri:

Eden screamed as her hand flew to the spot. How dare he? She felt more violated than if she’d been raped.

And there we have it! After all that rapey language, we have a terrible metaphor!

Ami, that electron one is bad, but the rape one is just…I think I need a break for tea after that…

Ami Angelwings: I’d be offended if I wasn’t laughing so hard. xD

Argenti Aertheri: Fair enough, speed reading this was getting on my nerves though Laughing

It’s like every damned paragraph is a little bit worse than the last, which is really quite impressive considering. (A guess on the end? Eden is a completely wrong idiot, about everything…I’m not sure how that ties into the racism theme, but I smell a “women are stupid” coming on)


There’s plenty of “women are shallow” and “women are bitches”… and Eden has managed to share important secrets with the villain…

Argenti Aertheri: ok, good point, perhaps I meant “even stupider than teenagers actually are”? At least her stupidity has been portrayed as sympathetic so far, as much as this shit portrays anything? Either that or I’m having a Tom Martin moment and my IQ is sinking thanks to the stupid… Neutral

Ami Angelwings:

Eden heard the shock in Jamal’s voice. “Do you understand, doctor?”
“What? Yes, the paradigm has been clearly presented.”


Nobby: This is such grade school stuff, too. “I’m going to use big words! People like big words! Sciency words!”

Me: Now they’re accusing her of conspiring with the guy who wants to genocide the white people.

I guess to someone who thinks the plot of this book was a good idea, “team up with someone who wants to exterminate you” sounds totally plausible.

Ami Angelwings: This fascist society that controls your food, shelter, reproduction, etc that is apparently geared towards the survival of the human race (which SHOULD include making sure as many children of color are born as possible, and therefore if they DO see white people as being part of future human genetic stock, they should be forcibly breeding with them and taking the darker children shouldn’t they?) is surprisingly flexible when it comes to mate choice which is apparently 100% personal choice (to the point they have government funded dating sites to help you and they give you booklets to advise you on how to improve your attractiveness).

I mean setting aside the oddness of wanting people to breed and then limiting them to 1 child, which would halve the world’s population every generation (esp if being 35 is considered old now and most people die before that age), this seems like an utterly nonsensical society.

It feels like she just made up an excuse for PoCs to be on top (b/c she can’t think of any other way outside of a physical reason they would be superior) and then white people are just treated badly, but oddly a lot of resources are devoted to them (they get fairly roomy homes, they get fed all their nutrient needs, they get free mate choices) and white people aren’t even useful as slave labor since they would die the second you let them out.

Previous part here.  Next: Noble savages.


Posted on April 22, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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